Story of A Bleeding Heart

Words cannot express the pain I feel at your demise.
Your entry into my life made me feel like finally I had a purpose. A purpose that was mine only. Suddenly I knew I owed someone, I knew I owed you a responsibility to raise you as God wants. You gave me sleepless nights but it was all worth it because in the end the look and satisfaction you gave after feeding was priceless. We had a connection which no one understood. Whenever I heard you cry, even when I knew you were having your bath, I jumped out of bed to watch just to make sure your crying was not for something that could have been avoided. When People came to congratulate me, I was proud of the child I had begotten and created; bright, tall, independent and a whole lot more. I looked forward to your growing up because I felt you were going to be the next Albert Einstein… (haha).
The smell of your hair was priceless, a fragrance your dad could not resist. Your skin, glowing like the sun shone on it each time it was revealed. Your facial expressions I keep making till now are in remembrance of you. Whenever you had a scratch or something, I would always call a doctor to make sure everything was okay and it was. The night I took you to the hospital, I hoped that night would just be something same. When you had to be admitted and I watched the doctors do all they did, I realized that it was not as simple anymore. Then you started recovering and I felt happy to take you home and couldn’t wait to breastfeed you.
The night you passed away, I felt something was wrong but couldn’t place it. I rushed to quickly have my bath so I could sit and sleep with you as always, only to be called from the bathroom that you had passed away. I carried my active son who felt so cold and calm with no life. I could not stand the pain and differences between you alive and you gone. It was just too much for me to bear. Your bright skin was becoming darker each passing day. Your smell suddenly changed and I couldn’t recognize my son…. I prayed for God to bring you back to me and I still pray but this emptiness I feel when I sleep, waiting for my mums to come wake me up to feed you is forever there. I go to your room to smell the clothes you last wore before going to the hospital to remember. People say I should smile and move on which I am trying to do but they can never understand how I feel every day, knowing you won’t live it with me.
The smiles and cheer can be deceiving because that is what they want to see but my heart melts each time and prays for you to return to me… I love you my dear Kosidinma Ehimen Alim and I can’t write everything I feel but in this small note, wherever you are, just know there is someone who loves and adores you so much and I am sorry for letting you go like this.  

9 thoughts on “Story of A Bleeding Heart

  1. Raphael Philips says:

    Gods love remains and will fill your emptiness. Kosidinma has left but ogadinma ozo. It is well and know that my prayers and thoughts are with your family.


  2. Amaka says:

    really no one understands why this happened nd no one also understands how you feel cus you and only you is his mother. The morning I heard the news I cried like I have never cried b4 ,wondering how you were going to move on from this. But I consoled my that Ehi is One strong woman I know and she will move though it might take a while. I for one miss him too cus KMJ is always asking of him nd boasting with his pictures nd I always say he his fyn cuz I don’t know how to explain to her that her brother is no more and I have also refused to change my DP. Im sure wherever Kosi is,he knows Mama loves him 4ever nd he will also want you to be strong enough so his siblings can arrive. Pls dear we can guess how you feel nd we love you. I for one will always be dere as a sister


  3. Bien Barinem says:

    Ehi this is indeed a sad and heart breaking story for a young mother doing her very best to cut a niche for herself in society. When I heard of the news I felt terribly sad and didn’t know exactly what to do. Should I call to express my condolences or should I send an sms. It took me few days of contemplation before I finally summoned the courage to call. After several unsuccessful attempts at getting through to you I then sent an sms.
    At the time memories of how I felt; motionless and speechless in the early hours of Sunday the 6th of November 2016 when the cold news of the demise of my 2-day old handsome baby filtered from the hospital to me. These are definitely sad events leaving behind terrible experiences and memories.
    My words to you is take it as one of those wishes of God for He alone knows why. In His infinite mercies and grace you will surely smile again and it will be permanent. Take heart and give God all the glory. May the gentle soul of the baby rest in the bossom of the Lord.



    Situations like this usually leave one question in mind, “Why.” But our human wisdom is insufficient to decipher the answer to this question. God in his infinite wisdom has allowed this to be.
    It is very difficult to come to terms with this especially when one is in your shoes. I pray God to give you courage to bear the loss.
    Sleep well Ehimen Alim


  5. Akudo says:

    Hmmmm…my nephew so cute! Kosidimma…I was so proud of him! There was something about him that was kinda extraordinary.. That he left us so soon shocked me to the marrow. But..I was consoled that at least I didn’t have to wonder if he was in Heaven or Hell. My lil nephew is now an angel in Heaven. Watching over u Ehi and praying for you too. It’s hard for u, I can obviously see that. But, I know you will have many more Kosi’s who would stay and be a blessing to u and your husband even in old age.. Amen. Be consoled dear. The best is yet to come. And to my dear Kosi, I pray I make Heaven and see him there too! It’s well!


  6. Rosey says:

    *speechless*…..I can’t put to words what I feel or what I felt when I heard the news. It is not easy to just move on, but I trust God to help you, dear! At this point, Prov 3:5 comes to mind. I am really sorry for your loss, dear….. really really sorry *hugs*


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